Revising my in-class disaster...i mean essay?

Although when writing my in-class essay I thought my paper was focused and thoughtful, while re-reading it I noticed some key areas where I don't make a lot of sense and where my ideas aren't explained adequately. I know that while writing a paper I sometimes forget to explain parts because I think them through in my own mind and the idea feels so first nature that I find it impossible to think others might not understand my direction. Basically, I think something in my head and I can't type as fast as i think so I forget key elements of my analysis so that my paper makes a point, but not a point that is well backed up. After reading through your comments I saw specific instances where I am very vague and elaboration needs to take place in order for it to say something. For example, in one instance of my paper I rationalize that Briony turns Robbie in for the rape because she wants to protect her sister. What I forgot to include was that Briony was given a note to give to Cecilia by Robbie that had graphic and adult content. A lack of adult thoughts or an understanding of hte inappropriateness of the letter contributed to Briony's development of the idea that Robbie was a danger to Cecilia. To amend this in my paper, I know I cannot simply plot summarize, though I usually would, instead I need to figure out a way to say all of that either using a quote or shortening it. Also, can I even make that assumption? We spoke as a class about how Briony clearly does not like Robbie, but for a multitude of reasons. There is the scene she views out by the pond, there is Robbie's status as their maid's son, the letter, Cecilia's focus on him during that night, and simply Briony's dislike for almost every real person besides family members. Because Briony is always making up stories in her head, she can mold the characters and make them do whatever she pleases, but real people don't allow for that. She cannot control Robbie or his actions, but somehow she finds a way to do so, by accusing him of rape. (I think I'm going somewhere with this....) The sheer accusation of rape is one that is not taken lightly. Rape conotates violence, fear, control, vengeance, dirtiness and a plethora of other unwanted aspects of life. By making Robbie a rapist, Briony makes him a real live version of the villain she makes him in her mind. Ah-ha! Though I know my paper needs a hundred other little changes, I think I've begun to work through the main changes in terms of content. My old thesis was...

Ultimately, Briony’s lie about Lola’s rape defines her as a jealous little girl looking for reprisal follows her for the rest of her life as she tries to free herself of the power she has gained as a child.

And while I still hold this to be true because I would never write something I didn't believe, I've changed my thesis a tad bit to make it more focused and specific to the meaning of the book as a whole.

Ultimately, Briony’s lie about Lola’s rape defines her as a jealous little girl looking for a way to control real people the way she does with her fictional characters in her writing. Her control over Robbie by painting him as a rapist is a mistake that follows her for the rest of her life as she tries to free herself from the power she has gained as a child.

Now, that I've fixed my thesis to make it less vague, I'll begin with the body paragraphs. I'll get back to you on that...